The ability to have our relatives watch our kids while we work is a huge benefit, especially if there is no cost involved. But given all the arguments we’ve had with our parents, is it reasonable to demand this assistance from them?
Since turning eighteen, my daughter Amy has shown no interest in me. She didn’t extend an invitation to me for any significant life events, such as her engagement or graduation. We don’t talk much because of this. She recently contacted me. She has two boys now. We discussed it after I was taken aback.
After a while, Amy started complaining about how difficult it was to raise her kids by herself. She begged me to be a good grandma and watch them on Saturdays. I informed her that I was no longer able to care for her children since she had long since strained our bond.
She stopped me from going anywhere and called me selfish. Was it inappropriate of me to turn down my daughter’s request for help with the kids after everything we had? I would appreciate your thoughts and any beneficial guidance you could provide.
We appreciate you getting in touch and expressing your worries to us regarding your daughter’s circumstances. We are aware of how difficult and uncomfortable this circumstance must be for you. Here are some useful and reasonable suggestions based on your description to assist you in handling this situation:
1. Be Aware of Your Rights
You have the right to set boundaries, especially considering how poorly your daughter treated you. You’re not obligated to help her with her children. Saying no to her request doesn’t make you selfish.
2. Look for the Causes
Try to understand why your daughter rejected you and decided to cut you out of her life. Perhaps there was something in your relationship that made her feel uneasy. Maybe she had personal issues or was influenced by someone else. Understanding her perspective might help.
3. Advise Her Honestly
It’s important to tell your daughter how you feel and what you expect. Let her know you love her and want to be part of her life. Express your sadness at being left out of her significant life events. Communicate your needs to rebuild your relationship and trust.
4. Consider Your Family’s Other Members
Think about how your decision will affect your other children and grandchildren. What are their thoughts on your daughter’s actions and your response? Do they want you to reconcile with her, or do they support you? How will your decision impact family harmony and dynamics?
5. Remember Your Grandchildren
Your grandchildren are not responsible for their mother’s behavior. Consider their welfare as well. They deserve a caring and supportive grandmother. A stable home environment and positive role model could benefit them. Are you interested in forming a relationship with them? Do you want to be part of their growth and development?
6. Consult an Expert for Assistance
Consider seeking professional help for both your daughter and yourself. There might be underlying issues that need addressing. Counseling or mediation could help you both move past your differences and improve communication.
7. Keep the Implications in Mind
Be prepared for the consequences of your choice. If you decide to help your daughter with her children, you might face challenges and demands. If you choose not to help, you might face resistance and criticism. Think about how you will handle guilt, anger, and any resulting emotional strain.
8. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Loved Ones for Advice
Remember, you’re not alone. Friends and family members who love and support you are there. Seek their help, consolation, and guidance. Join networks or groups, online or offline, of parents who have gone through similar struggles. They can share wisdom, ideas, and stories that you might find helpful.
By considering these suggestions, you can hopefully decide what’s best for yourself and your family.
