Ever been stuck on a flight from hell because of awful seatmates? Well, let me tell you about the newlyweds who turned my 14-hour flight into the worst experience ever. They acted like the plane was their private honeymoon suite, and when things got out of hand, I decided to teach them a lesson in airplane manners they wouldn’t forget.
My name is Toby, I’m 35, and this story might make you think twice about taking a long flight. Picture this: I’m flying home after a long work trip, just counting the minutes until I can hug my wife and kid. Everything was going great—until they showed up.
I had paid extra for a premium economy seat on this 14-hour flight. Let’s be honest, on a trip that long, a little extra space makes all the difference. I was all settled in, feeling pretty good about my choice, when the guy next to me, Dave, leaned over to talk.
“Hey, I’m Dave,” he said. “Would you mind switching seats with my wife? We just got married, and, well, you know…”
I smiled politely and asked, “Congrats! Where’s your wife sitting?”
Dave pointed way to the back of the plane. “She’s in economy.”
Now, I understood why they’d want to sit together—they were newlyweds. But I had paid a lot of money for this seat, and I wasn’t about to give it up for free.
“Sorry, Dave,” I replied. “I paid extra for this seat. I’d be willing to switch, but only if you cover the difference—about a thousand Australian dollars.”
Dave’s face darkened. “A thousand bucks? You’ve got to be kidding.”
I just shrugged and put in my earbuds. “That’s the deal.”
As I leaned back, I heard him mutter under his breath, “You’ll regret this.” And oh boy, was I about to.
First came the coughing—loud, deep coughs that shook his whole body and made me wonder if I needed a mask. I turned to him and asked, “You alright there, Dave?”
“Never better,” he replied, coughing even harder.
Then, he pulled out a tablet and started watching an action movie—without headphones! The sound was blasting, and the couple across the aisle gave him a look.
“Hey, buddy, can you turn that down?” they asked.
But Dave just grinned. “Forgot my headphones. Guess we’ll all have to enjoy it together.”
I clenched my teeth. “Dave, seriously, turn it down.”
He smirked and said, “Oh, am I bothering you?” His voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Then came the pretzels. Somehow, Dave managed to get crumbs everywhere—mostly all over me. “Oops,” he said with a smirk. “Butterfingers.”
I was about to lose it when Dave’s wife, Lia, appeared in the aisle, giggling like they were in a rom-com. Without a word, she plopped herself onto his lap, and the two of them started acting like the plane was their own little love nest.
I tried to focus on my book, but between the giggling, whispering, and… other noises, it was impossible. After an hour, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“That’s it,” I muttered under my breath and waved down a flight attendant. If Dave and Lia wanted to ruin this flight, I was going to make sure they got a taste of their own medicine.
The flight attendant came over, and right away, Dave and Lia turned on their newlywed charm, all sweet smiles and innocence.
“Is there a problem, sir?” the attendant asked, looking between us.
“Problem?” I said, loud enough for the other passengers to hear. “These two have turned the flight into their personal honeymoon suite.”
The stewardess raised an eyebrow and looked at Lia, still sitting on Dave’s lap. “It’s against airline policy for an adult to sit on another person’s lap,” she said firmly. “Ma’am, you need to go back to your seat.”
Lia batted her eyelashes and pouted. “But we’re newlyweds! It’s our special day!”
I couldn’t help but chime in. “Yeah, it’s been their ‘special day’ for more than an hour now.”
The flight attendant wasn’t buying it. “Ma’am, please return to your seat. And sir,” she turned to Dave, “you didn’t pay for this upgraded seat. If you can’t follow the rules, I’ll have to move both of you back to economy.”
Dave’s face went pale. “Both of us?”
“That’s right,” the attendant said, not backing down. “You were upgraded as a courtesy, but you’ve abused that privilege. Now, please gather your things.”
As Dave and Lia packed up their stuff, I overheard them whispering angrily at each other.
“This is your fault,” Lia hissed.
“My fault?” Dave muttered back. “You’re the one who—”
“Enough,” the flight attendant cut in, her patience clearly running out. “Back to your seats, please.”
As they walked past me, their faces red with embarrassment, I couldn’t resist one last comment. “Enjoy your honeymoon,” I said, giving them a little wave.
Dave glared at me like he wanted to melt me with his eyes, but I was too happy to care.
The flight attendant smiled at me as she passed by. “Anything else you need, sir?”
I grinned. “Just some peace and quiet—and maybe a drink?”
A little while later, she came back with a whiskey and cola, on the house. “Thanks for your patience,” she said with a wink.
An older man across the aisle gave me a thumbs-up. “Well played, son,” he chuckled. “Reminds me of my first marriage. We were young and dumb too, but at least we knew how to act in public.”
I laughed, finally able to relax.
As the plane began to descend, the captain’s voice came over the intercom: “We’re approaching Los Angeles International Airport. Please fasten your seatbelts.”
I gathered my things, so ready to be off that plane. As I walked past Dave and Lia, who were now sitting at the back, I couldn’t help but toss one final comment their way. “Hope you two learned something. Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon.”
Dave turned bright red but wisely kept quiet this time.
I stepped off the plane feeling like I’d won a little victory. And when I saw my wife and kid waiting for me in the terminal, their faces lighting up when they saw me, all thoughts of Dave and Lia disappeared. I was home, and that was all that mattered.