A young couple, madly in love and working at the same company, were heading toward marriage when they made a shocking discovery: their paychecks were wildly different. This happened before they even got engaged, and once the engagement happened, the woman decided she wanted to quit her job. That one decision sparked chaos on social media. People instantly labeled her a gold-digger—but her fiancé? He says that’s far from the truth.
So the 30-year-old man—let’s call him OP—turned to Reddit’s Am I the A**hole forum to get some honest advice. He was feeling confused, guilty, and hurt. He explained that he worked as a researcher at a big tech company. Two and a half years ago, he met his now-fiancée at a work event. She was 26 and worked in marketing.
From the moment they met, OP was head over heels. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. Eventually, he asked her out, and their relationship took off. What he loved most about her? She was incredibly organized. She planned events, managed marketing campaigns, and kept everything running smoothly. He admired how good she was at her job—it made him proud.
But her work was intense. She often worked late nights, drove all over the place, and juggled a million tasks. Meanwhile, OP had a quieter job. He had a nice, predictable desk schedule and rarely stayed late. His fiancée would often complain and say, “You have no idea how easy you have it. I’m running around all day while you’re chilling behind a desk.”
OP also shared something personal: he’s neurodivergent—he has ADD. That makes it tough for him to stay organized, manage tasks, or focus on details. That’s one reason he cherished her so much. She helped him keep his life together. “She’s patient,” he wrote. “She just makes my life better.”
Eventually, she moved in with him. That’s when they had their first real talk about money. She already knew he made good money—but when she found out exactly how much he earned, her jaw dropped. OP earned 15 times more than she did!
He felt a bit guilty about it, so he offered to cover all their shared expenses. “You can just focus on paying off your student loans,” he told her. She appreciated the gesture but didn’t want to feel dependent. They agreed to split bills proportionally, based on their incomes. It worked well. She was proud of being independent.
Then came the engagement.
A month before OP’s Reddit post, he proposed. She had never asked for fancy gifts, but when it came to the ring, she had one very specific request: a diamond engagement ring worth $15,000. That made OP uneasy. “It felt like too much,” he admitted. But she insisted. “You don’t understand,” she told him. “I’ll be wearing this for the rest of my life. It has to be special.”
He gave in. But then she started showing off the ring—and not just the ring, but the price tag. “She keeps bringing it up in conversation,” OP wrote. “Like, she’ll find a way to tell people how much it cost.” He asked her to stop. More than once. But she kept doing it.
Then came the bombshell.
The day before his post, she called him to the couch. “Can we talk?” she asked. “It’s important.” OP sat down. That’s when she dropped the news: she was going to quit her job next month. Just like that.
He was stunned. “Wait—why? What happened?” he asked.
“I want to focus on planning our wedding,” she said calmly. “It’s going to take a lot of time. I want to get everything organized early since we’re getting married this summer.”
OP blinked. “You’re quitting your job… to plan a wedding?” he asked, confused.
“I’m just tired,” she said. “Working long hours is exhausting. I want to be a stay-at-home fiancée.”
He couldn’t help it—he laughed. “That’s not even a real thing!” he said. He also reminded her that she still had student loans to pay off.
She waved it off. “You make more in a month than I do all year,” she said. “We’re a team now. It doesn’t matter.”
He asked, “Okay, but what’s your plan after the wedding?”
She didn’t have one.
That’s when OP suggested she just take a short break instead. “I don’t think it’s a great idea to completely leave your career,” he said. “You’re still young. And what if something happens to me? I want you to stay independent.”
But that just made her angry.
She accused him of being mean and unsupportive. “Why are you making this about money?” she asked. “We can afford it.”
Technically, they could. OP admitted losing her income wouldn’t ruin them. But something about the whole thing just didn’t sit right.
That’s when Reddit exploded.
One user didn’t hold back:
“Did someone say gold digger? She’s going to milk you for everything. First, the student loans. Then she’s bragging about the ring. Next, she’ll want a luxury car, a fancy house. You two are financially incompatible.”
But OP wasn’t done. A few days later, he came back with an update.
He said he’d finally calmed down and decided to talk to her again, this time over dinner. He wanted to understand her point of view.
She was defensive at first, but eventually opened up. “I feel like my job doesn’t matter,” she admitted. “I barely earn enough to contribute. I’m tired of working like crazy and still feeling useless.”
OP reminded her that it wasn’t about money—it was about passion, purpose, and her talent. “You’ve worked so hard to get where you are,” he said. “You’ve built a name for yourself. I just don’t want you to throw it all away.”
He also explained something she hadn’t thought about: if something ever happened to him—layoffs, injury, anything—she’d have no financial safety net. And layoffs were a real risk in tech.
She went quiet. Then, she admitted she’d been overwhelmed. “There’s just so much to do before the wedding,” she said. “And you’re terrible at organizing. I’m going to have to do it all myself.”
She also said she felt burnt out. “I’m just… tired. I’m working like a mule and not getting paid enough for it. I want to plan this wedding from a happy place, not a stressed-out one.”
In the end, they made a deal.
She agreed to quit her job—but only temporarily. After the wedding and their honeymoon, she would look for a new job with better hours. She even talked about going back to school to get her Master’s degree. “I’m not trying to be a trophy wife,” she promised.
OP thought it was a fair compromise. She planned to give her notice that week.
Still, he admitted he understood why so many people on Reddit were skeptical. “I grew up poor,” he wrote. “I don’t like showing off. And sometimes, she reminds me of the version of me I never wanted to become.”
But at the end of the day, he said, “If I trust her enough to marry her, I have to trust my judgment about her, too.”
Some Reddit users weren’t convinced.
One said,
“Yeah, that ring was a huge red flag. As soon as she heard how much you made, her eyes lit up with dollar signs. Next she’s going to want a house upgrade, luxury vacations. Don’t let her quit.”
Another warned,
“She’s never going back to work. Get a prenup.”
Someone else added,
“Her plan is literally to quit her job so you can pay all the bills while she plans one day of her life. What happens after that? She just… exists?”
And then there were comments like:
“You lost credibility when you said your parents are insisting you marry her this year. Dude. Be a grown-up.”
And:
“Hire a wedding planner. Nobody quits a job just to plan a wedding. She doesn’t want to work anymore. You need a prenup. And use birth control, because this feels like a setup.”
In the end, OP hoped for the best—but many Redditors feared the worst.
As one put it plainly:
“If you’re happy, that’s fine. But don’t be naive. Get a prenup. I doubt she’s ever going to work again. If you split later, you’ll be paying alimony because she hasn’t worked since the moment you got engaged.”
