My little girl usually spends some weekends with her father, but this time something happened that made my heart race. Our daughter called me and used our secret code word, signaling that she needed to get out of there fast. This experience taught me just how important it is to have a code word for our kids to keep them safe.
When I was young, my mom taught me a special code word to use if I was ever in trouble and couldn’t say it out loud. As I grew up, I decided to teach the same trick to my daughter. I thought she might use it to escape an uncomfortable situation or leave a sleepover early, but I never thought she would need it so soon.
Yesterday started out like any other day. I was in the kitchen, enjoying my evening coffee, when my phone rang. It was my ex-husband, Dave. Our relationship had once been warm and loving, but after the divorce, things had become strained. We tried to stay civil for our daughter Amy’s sake, but it wasn’t always easy.
“Hey, Claire,” Dave said, sounding a little unsure. “Amy wants to talk to you. She’s been asking to tell you about her day since she got here.”
This surprised me because Amy usually loves her weekends with her dad and doesn’t often call me when she’s with him.
“Oh, sure, put her on,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm, though the unease in Dave’s voice was making me nervous.
“Hi, Mom!” Amy’s voice was cheerful, but something about the way she spoke didn’t sit right with me. I listened carefully.
“Hey, sweetie! How’s your weekend going? Are you having fun?” I asked, trying to keep things light.
“Yeah, it’s been good. We went to the park yesterday, and I drew some pictures this morning. I drew a dog, a tree, and… I wish I had a blue marker so I could draw blueberries.”
When I heard the word “blueberries,” my heart skipped a beat. That was our code word! For a moment, I couldn’t even speak. Amy had slipped our secret word into her conversation, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. When she was younger, I taught her that if she ever felt unsafe but couldn’t say it directly, she should use the word “blueberries” to let me know she needed help. I never thought she would actually use it.
I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. The word meant she needed to be picked up right away.
“That sounds great, honey. I’m on my way to come get you. Please don’t say anything to your father. I’ll talk to him when I get there. Did you have anything else you wanted to tell me?”
“No, that’s it,” she said, still sounding sweet, but I could sense something else—fear, maybe? Or was it uncertainty? Whatever it was, I knew I had to get her out of there.
“I’ll see you soon, okay?” I said, trying to keep my voice casual.
“Okay, Mom. Love you.”
“Love you too, my Amy Wamy.” She giggled, and I hung up the phone, my hands trembling. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what could have happened. Dave had never given me a reason to doubt his ability to take care of Amy, but something was definitely wrong. I grabbed my keys, determined to get to her as quickly as possible.
When I arrived at Dave’s place, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. To my surprise, it wasn’t Dave who answered, but a woman I didn’t know. She looked at me with a mix of curiosity and annoyance.
“Can I help you?” she asked, her tone sharp.
“I’m here to pick up my daughter,” I said, doing my best to stay calm. “Is Dave home?”
“He just went out to run some quick errands,” she said, crossing her arms. “But Amy’s inside. Who are you?”
“I’m Claire, Amy’s mom,” I said, feeling my patience slip. “And you are?”
The woman’s expression didn’t soften. “I’m Lisa. Dave’s girlfriend. We’ve been living together for a few weeks now.”
I blinked, surprised. Dave had never mentioned having a girlfriend, let alone that she had moved in. Why hadn’t Amy said anything about this before? But now wasn’t the time for questions. I needed to get my daughter out of there.
“Well, Lisa, I just remembered that Amy has a doctor’s appointment early in the morning, and there are some things we need to go through before then,” I lied, forcing a smile. “I totally forgot to mention it to Dave. I’m just going to take her, and I’ll bring her back later.”
Lisa didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t argue. “Fine, but I’ll let Dave know.”
“Of course,” I said, stepping past her into the house. I saw Amy sitting on the couch, curled up and coloring in a book. When she saw me, her face lit up, but I also noticed a look of relief in her eyes.
“Hi, sweetie,” I said, keeping my tone light. “We need to go prepare for the doctor tomorrow, remember?” Amy nodded and got up, holding her book tightly. She didn’t say a word as she followed me out of the house. Lisa watched us leave, narrowing her eyes, but didn’t stop us.
Once we were in the car and driving away, I looked over at Amy. “You okay, baby?” I asked gently.
At first, Amy nodded, but then, as the tension lifted, she started to cry. “Mom, Lisa… Lisa is mean to me when Dad isn’t around,” she said between sobs.
“What do you mean, sweetie?” I asked, my heart breaking.
“She says things,” Amy continued, tears running down her cheeks. “She says I’m annoying and that I shouldn’t be there. She told me that if I told Dad, he wouldn’t believe me because I’m just a kid. She said I should stay in my room and not bother them.”
Anger surged inside me. How dare this woman, who had no right to be in my daughter’s life, treat her this way?
“Amy, you did the right thing by telling me. I’m so proud of you,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “You don’t ever have to be around her again if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to your dad, and we’ll figure this out, okay?”
Amy nodded, wiping her tears. “Okay, Mom.”
When we got home, I gave Amy a big hug and told her how much I loved her. After she settled in her room with her favorite stuffed animal, I picked up my phone and called Dave. He answered on the third ring.
“Hey, Claire, did something happen? I just got home, and Lisa said you came by and took Amy?”
“Yes, something did happen,” I said, not hiding the anger in my voice. “Amy used our code word today, Dave. She wanted to leave because Lisa has been saying horrible things to her when you’re not around.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. “What? That can’t be right… Lisa wouldn’t—”
“She did, Dave. Amy was in tears by the time we got in the car. She’s scared of your girlfriend, and she didn’t know how to tell you, so she told me the only way she could.”
“Claire, I’m sorry. I had no idea. I’ll talk to Lisa. This isn’t okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I said, my voice softening a bit. “But what’s most important is Amy. We need to focus on her.”
“You’re right,” Dave said, sounding more defeated than I’d ever heard him. “I’ll handle it. I promise.”
After we hung up, I sat on the couch, feeling emotionally drained. This wasn’t how I expected my weekend to go, but I was glad Amy felt safe enough to use our code word. It was a small thing, but it made all the difference. I decided then that my little girl needed her own phone. I knew technology could have its downsides, but I believed it would help her stay connected with me and keep her safe.
As I sat there, thinking about everything that had happened, I realized how important it is for other parents to have a similar plan. That code word gave Amy a way to reach out without feeling scared or vulnerable, and it let me step in before things got worse.
But choosing a good code word isn’t as simple as picking any random word. There are a few key rules to keep in mind.
First, avoid common words that might come up in everyday conversation. The last thing you want is for the word to be mentioned casually and cause unnecessary alarm. Words that others can easily guess, like “school,” “birthday,” or simple colors, should be avoided. It shouldn’t be something obvious.
Second, consider using a phrase if your child is old enough to remember it. A short, memorable phrase or a combination of two words can add extra security. It should be something that others wouldn’t easily guess but is still easy for your child to remember. Phrases like “sunshine forest,” “dancing penguin,” or “blue apple” are good examples. It’s best to test it out to make sure your child can recall it easily, even when they’re stressed.
The third rule is to practice using the code word in different situations with your child. Role-playing will help them understand when and how to use it. This will make them feel more confident and prepared if they ever need to use it.
What we went through was a powerful reminder of how a simple plan can make a
