In a relationship, couples typically go through five stages of love. Here, you can read about the unique features and challenges of each stage.
Ah, how wonderful it would be: we fall in love, enter a relationship, and everything remains as simple and carefree as it was at the beginning. However, reality often looks a bit different.
But that’s completely normal; after all, love—just like us humans—is not constant but goes through many different stages throughout a relationship, stages that most couples cannot avoid.
A Relationship is Constant Work
According to couples therapist Roland Weber, there is a specific number of stages that every romantic relationship goes through: in total, you have to experience five stages before you can be sure you have found the right partner.
However, some never make it to the end, remaining stuck in one of the earlier stages or ending the relationship prematurely.
Phase 1: Seeing Everything Through Rose-Colored Glasses
We know this phase all too well: we have butterflies in our stomachs, constantly think about the other person, and see everything, especially our new partner, through rose-colored glasses.
We hardly notice or dismiss any negative traits. Typically, this initial stage of infatuation lasts between three to 18 months and plays a crucial role in shaping the future of the relationship as the couple grows closer.
Phase 2: Reality Sets In
Gradually, the intense feelings of infatuation from the beginning start to fade—this is where many couples part ways. It’s no wonder, as it can be unsettling when feelings suddenly aren’t as strong, and we notice negative traits we previously ignored.
While you still notice things that connect you, the focus shifts more towards the differences. A relationship can only survive this stage if both parties realize that the initial euphoria will never return. The butterflies won’t come back, and holding onto that would be fatal. This is the stage where real, true love can begin, as we start to see the other person as they truly are.
Phase 3: Conflict Becomes Normal
Realizing this doesn’t mean the difficult times are over. In phase three, instead of compromising, couples seek conflicts, wanting to assert themselves and gain the upper hand in the relationship.
Often, you may feel sure you’re not with the right person. Those who think it’s best to throw in the towel now are mistaken: only at the end of this complicated stage can you truly accept your partner as they are—with all their quirks, weaknesses, and flaws. By now, you’ve seen everything there is to see.
Phase 4: Finding the Right Balance
By phase four, you’ve negotiated everything there is to negotiate. You know exactly who the other person is and what the relationship is. Now is the time to focus your energy on yourself and work on your own personality, supported by a stable partnership.
In this stage, it’s not always easy to find the right balance between “I”, “You”, and “We” as you create more space for yourself again. On the other hand, your interest in your partner grows anew, seeing them both as an independent person and someone who belongs to you.
Phase 5: Unconditional Love
The final and deepest stage of love is characterized by great trust. At this point, you know exactly who you have by your side and can confidently say: yes, this is true love.
You feel at home and see your partner as your safe haven. Since many couples give up within the first three stages, reaching this stage is all the rarer—and more special.
