In healthy relationships, both partners should be equals. However, this is often not the case, and one person gives more than the other.
According to experts, there is a typical role distribution in unbalanced relationships. Usually, one party invests and “gives” a lot to satisfy their partner. Couples therapists refer to this as the “giver type.”
On the other side, there is often a person who demands a lot of love and attention without giving anything in return. This type is known to experts as the “taker.”
This power dynamic should not exist in healthy relationships. These are referred to as toxic partnerships. Do you suspect you might be in such a relationship? Here are the signs to recognize if there is a “giver” and a “taker” in your relationship.
Listen to Yourself
Did sparks fly when you first met? He or she was charming, funny, respectful, and on the same wavelength?
Unfortunately, the first impression is not as indicative as we might like to believe.
A better indicator is your gut feeling that emerges during subsequent meetings, giving hints about how good the other person is for you.
However, this is often ignored. The hormones are too excited to accept any contradiction.
Later, when one person is deeply entangled in giving and the other is already accustomed to taking, the intuitive objections from your gut feeling are hard to hear.
The more ingrained the behavior patterns of both parties are, the harder it is to realize that something is wrong.
How Givers and Takers Think
Characteristics of a Taker:
- A taker in a relationship always needs support but rarely or never provides support to their partner.
- It is impossible to satisfy a taker. There is always something to criticize.
- A taker often takes their time responding to messages, leaving their partner uncertain.
- A taker takes what they want and blocks off when they don’t want something. Compromise and taking their partner’s needs seriously fall by the wayside.
- The taker believes they are a giver. They generally think highly of themselves and want to be perceived as a loving personality.
Characteristics of a Giver:
- A giver in a relationship is the go-to person for everything. Whether it’s washing clothes, cleaning, cooking, or shopping – daily tasks that should be shared are handled alone.
- A giver loves to spoil their partner with small or large gifts.
- The giver has to take care of spending time together. They plan and hope that the beloved will at least agree to the plans.
- For a giver, it’s normal to pay for themselves and their partner. Being treated by their partner is hardly ever an option.
- The giver has to initiate affection from their partner. Otherwise, they might wait a long time for it.
Breaking Free from Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
For those who identify as givers, it’s crucial to end the unhealthy role distribution in the relationship. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and as an equal.
A partner who constantly makes you feel like you need to give more can severely damage your self-esteem over time. This must be prevented. If necessary, but not inevitably, by ending the relationship.
Before that, however, it’s worth trying to work together on a way out. For takers too, a relationship on equal footing is desirable in the long run.
Isn’t it much nicer to feel like you have an equal partner by your side? A partner who behaves not just as you demand but who can continuously surprise you with their own will and personality?
